Why Did I Come to This Country?

by Saifa Hasin

(drawing of Saifa)I have been living in the U.S.A. for 15 months. I miss my country, my people, my trees, my rivers, my sea, my birds, my flowers. In this country I am a stranger and people are strangers to me. I don't feel warm here and I am always scared. But I don't know why am I scared. I feel like I have lost my ways. I am trying to find my ways. I am trying to adjust to this country. Maybe I will be able to adjust to this country. But I want to go back to my country because I miss my country. I love my country.

Trying to adjust to this country makes me very worried because I am changing little by little. After a few years I will be changed a lot. Then it will be hard for me to adjust to my country because life in America and life in Bangladesh go two different directions. One goes to positive infinity and the other goes to negative infinity. Once I have taken one direction it is hard to change directions, too hard.

Before I came here I thought when I finished my educational career I would go back and I thought going back to my country was not going to be hard. But that is not going to be easy because when I return I will have to change myself again.

Now, I think why did I come here? It was better over there though I didn't have enough chance to learn or study. But, still what I could do was enough to live there. In this country the system is different. I won't be able to use what I am learning here in my country and that is a big problem.

Sometimes I try to think that I am living here and then I am going to visit my country. That makes me feel bad because I remember what I did in my country, my life in my country. I do not want to think that I am scared to think that. I have to live in this country or in my country. I have to make a decision, but that is a big decision and question.

Copyright © 1998, Silver International, Montgomery Blair H.S., Silver Spring, MD USA

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